Infertility to fertility - My Little Man Story...

Yes, like I mentioned in my profile...I defeated infertility and had 2 kids now.
If you have tried many many ways just like me to get pregnant and hope to give it the last shot before considering IVF.

Really... try this, if it's around your ovulation period (if u don't know when u ovulate, use a ovulation kit, I am a fan for clearblue kit. Buy the stick kit instead of the monitor if you are on budget from Watsons or Guardian)  with your hubby, have a little wine and relax away at home or a nice hotel. Erase the thoughts of trying to conceive if possible, forget all the baby making position. Then get hot in action like when you both first get together...

RELAX and ENJOY the process because if you want to have a love child, you need to do it like what we called it " MAKING LOVE" and not follow all the instructions you read, results vary, remember?!?!

Anyway enough of birds and bees....

Initially, I refused going through what i been through for Cloie.  Well... thinking I am plagued with infertility, I tried the fertility medicine (clomid) and correct my poor ovary which was slightly "dislocated" from it's original position due to my C-section blood clots. No, all those doesn't make me pregnant at all and I really gave up the idea of having No.2.

Not until, we visited a fortune teller and she told me that I will have a baby boy soon...Puzzled but delighted on the prediction, we chose not to indulge on this lovely calling.  My cousin, also Cheryl got the same prediction.

Fast forward, just months after we visited the fortune teller...My cousin got pregnant and when she announced it, I don't know why I have this little voice in the back of my mind telling me I will be next...

and taaa...dahhh I got a positive in just 3 weeks later. I am not sure if it's divine intervention but well I do know when hubby and I decided to give up getting pregnant, we have one of the most magical moment together.

Snap shot of Fetus Josh

Pregnant with Josh is considered easy, I am able to work full time, managed my diaper bags distribution business and online store - Babetitude.com. My friends even commented that I walked too fast with a big tummy. I only have a few hiccups later part of my pregnancy especially Hemorrhoids aka piles that pain me the most. (never have that with Cloie)

@ 36th week - Piles got really bad, and I need to be on bed rest cos I can't sit up anymore to work..
Pain was so unbearable that even medicine given by my gynae were not helping. Went to Eu Yan Sang to see chinese doctor instead, and the medicine help.

Start feeling weird pull and pain around tummy but able to sleep for the night...

@ 37th week - went back to office, hopefully to get some work cleared before maternity leave. Got a large yellowish clot when I went toilet, and thought I got infection. Called gynae but she is out of town, her nurse asked me to come down for CTG to make sure I am not going through any contraction.

Reached clinic, done CTG, everything normal...but nurse told me to go to their cover gynae to get check because they are unable to determine if my clot was infection.

Dr Mary Yang briefly chatted with me then proceed to check me with her fingers....Man!! It's painful, and that's cervix check...She then calmly told me I am in labour, cervix dilated 3cm already...

IN LABOUR...wooohooo new word for me, since Cloie's birth was all predicted. Called hubby, got wheeled to labour ward...excited because I been wanting to do the norm and feel the contraction pain, the push etc...

Feel totally nothing at all. After clearing my tummy I am still laying down wondering what will the process be like... I told my gynae, that I love to try VBAC and that I am going to give it a try since Josh not breeched and is in the correct position for normal delivery.  VBAC is 50/50 chance and if it's failed , it will be emergency c-sect.  Dr Yang came after 2 hours or so and told me she is going to burst my waterbag...and "plish" like I pee with inflammation...very warm liquid and quite abit. Woooo got really excited, while waiting for contraction....hubby came and contraction came....and WRONG!! WTF am I thinking before that about contraction...it's so painful and I wanted to endure it without epidural. But knowing my chances, I asked for epidural after 3 hours of pain. Taking epidural in the midst of contraction, not easy... I was paralysed only on my right side and I can feel the pain still on the left. I only told the nurse that after 2 hours and she asked me why after so long in pain then I tell her...so i told her I thought it's normal and she get the anaesthetist on the phone and he told me that epidural have blind spot too...and if I need to re-position it...then I asked if I need to pay another $500 or so for it...He said no, then actually I forgot if he came baack but anyway...

After 10 hours of one sided pain and uncontrollable shivers...Dr Yang came in and told me dilation too slow and it's taking too long...to be safe if cervix is still not open fully by 2 hours time, got to go emergency c-sect.

I cried and talked to Josh to turn to his correct position and stop moving too much and it kinda work... Contraction through the graphs show it's more frequent and the nurses started to move alot around me, like getting things prepared. I kept on talking to Josh, telling him that I love him and I wanted to see him soon etc etc...A small setback in between the next 2 hours, like Josh's heartbeat went off a few time and nurse need to give me oxygen for it...Dr Yang came and changed, hubby on the side, nurses all set. There goes the push push and another push, I hear the loud cry of my darling boy...Josh.  Dr Yang said I pushed really well but unfortunately my inner wall somewhere got torn and she will mend it for me..

Josh - 37th week looks big  @ only 3.19kg.

The next 2 years with Josh...alot of fun and sweat.

Totally different from sister, Cloie...

He is more willing to drink his milk and is very demanding when it comes to food.

Cries loudly and play hard...

Now almost 2 already, he is obedient, cheerful, cheeky but have a bad violent temper

He loves Barney, Cars and loves to sing and tumble.

Having 2-3 blogs...Is it necessary!!!??

I am thinking of following what Julie Powell did for herself in Julie and Julia movie...Challenging herself by whipping up all the dishes from her favourite book/recipes by Julia Child in a year.

I can't remember exactly what Julie said in the movie about short term goals, but I am definitely in for such goals because at this point in life I can't see really far to make myself feel worthy of my life. With such documentation, I may regain some confidence and re-invent my life or myself.

But the problem with having another blog ( I have another business blog) will not be easy for me because i need to crack my brain to express what I want to say in simple written english. Yes, I am pretty bad with grammar and got limited vocabulary.

Milestones - Stepping Out...

 My sisters and I belong to the fatty genes type and always hide ourselves away sometime  from active sports or activities when we are younger due to low self esteem and bulky self. 

Maybe that explain why we are still BIG now but well I am going to change this statement abit and set it as a goal for us - 

It's ok to be BIG...but you got to start MOVIN' to better HEALTH...

Both Evelyn (younger) and I have started to work on our love for dance. Pamela (youngest), hope you start movin' soon to some active passion...

Evelyn is now learning ballet and already into her intermediate class and goes to 2 adult ballet classes per week. 

When all our relatives heard she took up ballet, most of them laugh but guess inside they are feeling if she can dance ballet with her plus size and maybe worried as well if she will be "outcast" by her peers in the class.  I have that "outcast" worry too but well, I believe Evelyn will be able to ignore those.  

I guess mum didn't let her join any ballet class when she is younger, was also shadowed by the above consideration and felt she doesn't fit into the category as ballerina for her chubby size. 

Can't blame mum too and I can feel now she is doing it's out of protecting Evelyn  cos this world has always been brutal for chubby and plus size people regardless how old you are... 

(Make me remember this side story, which happened to my best bud's niece who was chubby and get slammed by her ballet teacher for not dancing well because she is FAT. Her niece gave up ballet and went on diet on her own then @ only 5-6 yos and even now were concern about her size - **Any dance teachers who are reading this , please do not think dancing is strictly reserved for slim kids, your words will hurt their esteem whole of their lifetime. If  happened a chubby kid is slower, isn't your job to help them if they are willing to put more effort and not give up!!)

For me, I am truly happy she finally STEPPED OUT to do something she wanted since young.

Well done!! Evelyn a *BIG* pat on your back and hope you became a ballerina soon...Gambatte!

For me, I love dancing too...I remember I can dance non-stop when clubbing in zouk during my poly days. Since becoming a mum, clubbing is nearly history.

I am still not sure if I am passionate about dancing but recently I STEPPED OUT again to see if it's my real passion... I registered myself to a 3 days workout instructor module conducted by Les Mills from the gym I go to. The workout is called Les Mills BODYJAM® -- a 55 minutes dance cardio workout choregraphed with the latest dance music. I have been in Les Mills BODYJAM® workout the past 1.5 yrs to replace clubbing. This is also the workout that keep me fit till now. It's never boring and keep very much alive after each lesson. 

 

The 3 days class was conducted by Les Mills APAC BodyJam Trainer, Fabulous Arnold Warren and Fitness First GXM - Sexy Naila Nadwana. :)

Those 3 days,  I learnt alot beside the techniques of Les Mills BODYJAM®, I also realised I need to work hard on my CONFIDENCE and SELF ESTEEM which put me down alot and obstructing me to become what I want to be in all aspects in my life and left me still pondering on my passion. But well at least I put my step out and see what is in store to dance and/or instruct for now and think how to improve myself if I want to pursue this passion.  

I hope I can increase my confidence by my next personal milestone entry and got some good motivational experience to share. For now, any ecouragement and tips sharing on how to regain confidence will be appreciated!! :)

Now, I will continue with my bodyjam 52 practise at home and in the gym in hope to improve my techniques first.

Some recommendation for mummies who like to step out into a more active lifestyle but do not want spend too much money or are shy to join a gym or class. I started with all this home dvds before I step out as well ... see my favourite with my comments on the DVDs on the left corner of my blog or go straight to amazon below.
*Forget to add, it's cheaper to get from amazon directly or order through a spree*

ComeBack....

Tryin to revive this blog which I started 5 yrs back to celebrate the gift of life....

It's been roller coaster feeling for the past 5 yrs, with many new highs and lows...

2010 - renew my blog with the latest from our family trip - Sakura Blooming Tokyo :)

Days before and after 21st April 2005

In early April, both hui and me moved down to my ma's house @ Holland.

My 9 mois tummy, see ugly stretchmark??

Pretty troubled by the fact that Cloie is still breech and a c-section is inevitable.
Ma and other relatives thought I wanted a c-section and forcing me to wait till
I m 40weeks. Its impossible for me to wait till 40wks coz its will be dangerous
for both me and bb. Complication like prolapsed cord whereby the umbilical cord
fall out of my cervix can cut off oxygen for bb. I will have to schedule for
c-section on 38wk. That will be 2 more wks from now, Dr said she will do a last
check to confirm before we proceed to the surgery.

Doing CTG to test on bb's heartbeat before doing ECV

I have asked Dr to do a ECV for me whereby she will turn the bb to the correct
position, but she is just too comfy in that head up position and refused to be
turn. At home, I tried going on all fours hoping the pressure will make bb turn
and also moxibustion where a lighted stick alike cigar is put near my little
toes and the smoke will promote blood circulation and will help bb turn.

Its really a mental and physical torture for my last 2 wks, can't wait for
all this to be over. Secretly, both hui and me were coming into term that
c-section will be good coz we can see our bb really soon and no more worries
anymore from those cramps.

21st April 2005

I was asked to fast from 6am and go to my doc clinic @ 9am for my last
ultrasound scan to make sure bb is still breech. Its just less than 5 min and I
am off to the admission office to admit myself to hospital to get ready for my
c-section. I wasn't feeling excited or scared, I m just calm.

Below is my complete birth story:

9am : Reached clinic. Did the normal
routine check, doc arrived and did u/s to confirmed bb still breech. Ask to
proceed to hospital for admission

+/-10am: Got admitted. Took some photos of myself with my bump.
Escort to my ward 645, greeted by a cheerful sister. Went thru some verification.

Then was asked to change to the robe, get a shaved from below navel to pubic
area. Given enema to clear my bowel.
Cleared bowel, chit chat w my hubby.

1115am: Nurse came to wheel me to OT.Still not feeling anything like excitement
or what.

Near 12 : OT assistant hook me up with those equipment. The anaesthetist came and
greeted me with a big assurance. He then realized he was my anaesthetist during
my last operation too. He put me on drip, still assuring me. I was asked to
curled like a prawn to prepare for epidural. Anaesthetist checked my spine by
pushing on it. Epidural administered but no feel of it. Legs numbed.

My gynae came and said hi! then told me she is starting now. Any question?

I ask her if its ok if i giggled, then she told me if i dun wan my wound to be
untidy then better not :P She told me she is applyin steroid on me first,
then started chit chatting with everyone in the OT.


+/-1215pm: Heard and can feel abit of laser burin sound, freaking out abit. Then
doc ask to send my HB in. My hb came in with the anaesthetist. Anaesthetist kept
jokin with my hb.

Gynae then said bb is ready to be delivered. I felt some pull inside my stomach,
abit strained not painful but i started crying, and grabbed my hb hands real
tight. Gynae then ask nurse to pushed my upper tummy area, but my anaesthetist
volunteered. First push not successful, coz bb head stuck. Anaesthetist give me a
light massage then pushed. Heard my gal cries, like oinking :P

1230pm: Nurse bring her to clear her mucous and covered her with blanket then

place on my chest, said hello to my gal. She already opened one eye and looking
at me.
HB was asked to follow the nurse out. Gynae started stitchin me up and said she
underestimate me and i m stronger than she expected.

1245pm: Stitches done, was getting clean up by my gynae. She looked worried.

Then she told me my uterus not contracting and alot of blood oozing out. She
asked the anesthetist to give me a jab didn't worked.Needed a stronger one.

Stayed in for observation in OT for 3 hours before seeing my family and bb.

Anyway, after waiting for 3 hr in OT
observation area. Was finally sent out @ 3pm. My HB was so relived to see me coz
he was not informed what happened.

Really tired after all the ordeal, once i see her everything just gone.

Birth Wt : 2.915kg Ht: 50cm

Happy Grandparents & Daddy

Eyes wide open ready to see the world

I started breastfeeding in the nite of Cloie's birth. She latched on well with
the help of a staff nurse. I managed to see the colostrum.

Thanks to my relatives and friends who came to visit. Joyce, her ma (my godma), bb russel and my sister in law. My aunt, cousin lynn, Cheryl & Mei with her kids, Jean, hao & Gerard, Cia,Sammy and Lifeng

First Family Potrait

We Decided to name her :

CLOIE ARIEL ONG YIN NING

My milk came in on the 3rd day, it looks like banana milk to me and i was
worried. But heard that was ok, individual got different color. I can't express
with my Avent pump.

On the fourth day, I consulted a nurse about lump ard my breast and she
suggested i rent the electric pump from them and buy soft cup ( for cup
feeding). I was amazed that its so much faster but both breasts only have 30ml
after pumping.

I only discharged on the fifth day coz I wanted to stay with Cloie in hospital. She had developed mild jaundice, I have requested to let her be under phototherapy on the 3rd day b4 it get worst. Luckily her jaundice level was 9.5 and she was able to discharge with me .

All wrapped up
My family not very supportive on breastfeeding. I kept crying over it. I think
if they keep being so naggy, i will just stop. I m now suffering from sore
nipples and blocked duct.

I went to TMC to consult their lactation consultant. They did a deep
massage to clear my duct (ouch!! super painful) and told me my milk too thick.
Need to drink more soup. she also told me, my bb a bit dehydrated.

A week later ,

went to my Dr to remove my stitch and she encourage me to breastfeed and

try to comfort me from the stress i am getting from it.

Dr Chin did a good job on my wound but

unfortunately I didn't take care of it well and almost got infection from it.

To be Continue.....

ANOTHER HURDLE CROSSED

My long awaited appointment to have a detailed scan of my bb.

I always try to be first patient coz the waiting time can be terrible .

Normal routine, urine test for sugar = negative, Weight gained only 300gm Hooray!!
Hope my weight gain steadily coz I really can't afford to have excessive gain as
all kind of complications might just come to me.

What Dr. Chin did was "semi-detailed" scan

coz she only take the necessary measurement of my bb's head, thigh bone,
stomach. She told me if I want a more detailed scan whereby they check bb's
organs etc, she can refer me to a specialist.

She dun think its necessary though coz if the bb really have defects in the organs
there's basically nothing we can do abt it, sometime such scans may cause
"scare" coz certain conditions may just go off as we proceed
further into the pregnancy.

As a pregernoid (paranoid preggie), I am now debating if I should go for the
scan. Dr Chin tried to look at my bb's gender, as usual my shy bb crossed
legs again. BB did try to let us have a "sneak preciew" between her
legs and from her butt, both Hui and Dr. seem to identify that there is nothing in between her legs.

I can't see lor!!! we bought along digi cam (Thanks to Eric!!)

and I have been forwarding in slow motion and I still can't see.

Hopefully, its really ! but most important is healthy.

My notti little bb in breech position, hope she will turn "gracefully" later on.

Dr Chin still very concerned about my weight gain,
she told me to eat healthy and warned me of my status of

a pro-diabetic personnel.

She said I can go and walk on threadmill but nothing intensive.

After the check-up, we are happy and relieved that our darling
is very active and healthy!

I am half way thru the pregnancy this weekend, we are glad to have cross another milestone.

Click on the icon to view my ultrasound clips

MEDICINE BALL

Feeling sick at 6 plus in the morning.
Since yesterday, I have got dry cough and sneezing spell. No doubt, got it from
Hui, but he is not to blame coz he tried to keep away from me when he is sick,
but I am always sticking onto him like glue and steal a sip from his cup.
The cough & sneeze
are getting on my nerve coz its giving my tummy some sharp pain.
I am paranoid, debating whether to go to gynae or GP.

Called up my gynae after much thots, but she is not in.

Then I tried calling women's clinic around my
area but seem like those recommended gynae are all not around.
WHERE THE HELL ALL GOOD GYNAES GO?

Finally, managed to get appointment with a
gynae in Punggol which I read from forum that she is not bad, her first time
consultation fee is expensive ($65) though.

On second thot due to the cost, I ask Hui if we should go to KK.

Hui said KK will be crowded coz its a Sat and I
remember we need an appointment to consult doctor there. Before we can decide
further, I got a call from the Punggol clinic nurse asking me if I can rush down in ten mins. Hui said we can rush, so we head down.

On the way there, Hui told me he read from papers about a HIV conference today
for gynaes so most likely half of them are there.Reached there on time,
waited about 15mins.

I told Dr Chen about my cough and the pain leading to my tummy.

She takes a look at my throat and find that its slightly infected.
I asked her for a scan on my bb, she did and before she start, she explained
where are ligaments and why I will feel pain on certain area when I coughed.

During the scan, I was pretty hopefully to
see my bb gender. Once again, my bb crossed legs, no matter how Dr Chen shake
my tummy, bb just refused to open up. After few mins of trying, Dr Chen managed
to catch a little opening between bb's legs and said vaguely she didn't see any
obvious male organ but its yet to confirm.

Got some new addition to my medicine kingdom.

While walking to our car,

Hui said he felt really heart pain
see how hard the Dr shaked my tummy & wanted her to stop trying.

I was gulity coz half of time,

I was hoping she shake harder and we can know. What a bad mum I will be!!

Hui is also happy that our bb is stubborn and said

got our genes.

Isn't it bad !!! I mean stubborn??
His explanation is that, maybe bb sleeping and just won't give in to any kind of
force that will need him/her to compromise with his/her happiness.

WHAT??? Never mind!!

I am just back to my paranoid self again,
thinking why bb keep crossing legs? Does he/she ever moved legs around? Will the
leg crossing be permanent? Will its affect his/her growth? I am just hopeless !

Whatever it is, both of us still glad that
bb is healthy thru the scan.

My medicine Kingdom inc. my Dearest as my daily dosage of Love.

Hee!isn't he cute!!

New members to my medicine kingdom

Our little darling @ 17weeks.